11-16-10, Day 72

To Gloria:

JUST HANDCUFF ME
(Something Happened To Me Yesterday)

Oakland is neighbor to my hometown, yet vast and still mysterious to me after living in the Bay Area for 40 years.  On Saturday, I got lost over and over again while trying to find a house concert where a friend was playing.  The address was in an unknown, to me, area of the city, obscure and as foreign looking as the back alleys of Marrakesh, no help from Google maps.  Once I reached my destination, the frustration of the search was soon forgotten by the awesome playing of a bunch of nerdy musicians reading complex charts of old Raymond Scott cartoon scores, unleashing a world of Looney Tune characters.   And then, “That’s all, folks,” and time to hustle off to a friend's play in Marin. 

We started as a small caravan of cars but soon lost each other in the evening rush hour traffic.  An hour, many mini traffic jams, one bridge later, I found myself in San Rafael searching for Royal Thai, our agreed to meeting point for a brief bite before the play. 

“It’s right off the 101,” he said, “just park under the freeway.”  Sure.  But there I was caught in a loop of one way streets, starving and again in the labyrinth of lost.  From my cell phone with no hands free devise, I called a friend, “Help.”   I was very close but before she could fully direct me, I saw the police car coming up behind and abruptly threw the phone to the floor, praying they hadn’t seen me, just as the light turned red and they pulled up beside me.  I tried to look innocent and sane, masking the churning, insane, lost, frustrated, starving monster lurking inside. 

I was in the far right hand lane and when the light turned green, I suddenly realized that if I followed that lane, I’d be back on the freeway.  So, I did what any insane person would do—I went straight, sort of cutting the cop car off.   Then the siren and flashing lights. 

I pulled over to the curb and quickly swallowed the stash of drugs that I always carry.  JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE.   I sat there in the dark waiting, trying to calm myself, thinking, “well, at least they’ll know where the restaurant is.” 

Even their uniforms and big attitudes couldn’t disguise the fact that they were about 19.   “Did I do something wrong?  I’m really sorry!  I’m soooooo lost,”  it exploded from my mouth before they even had a chance to speak. 

“We could tell.  You just went straight in a right turn only lane.  Where are you trying to go?”

“The Royal Thai Restaurant.  It’s supposed to be around here somewhere, at Irwin and 3rd.”

“Royal Thai?  Hmmmm.  That’s Irwin and 3^rd right there.  Never heard of it,”  the cop talking to me glanced at his partner who was on the passenger side scanning the inside of my car with his super sized flash light (looking for the drugs that I’d just swallowed…).  His partner shook his head, “Nope, never heard of it, but there’s a great Thai restaurant just down the street,” and he said a name.

“That’s great,” I said.  “I’ll keep that in mind for next time but people are waiting for me at the Royal Thai and I’m going to be late for my friend’s play.” 

“Okay, well, I’m sorry.  You should just leave your car here and walk to the restaurant across the street but first I’m going to have to see your license, registration and proof of insurance.”

“Is it safe,” I asked as I dug through the glove compartment  under a stack of CD’s and miraculously found what he’d asked for.

“Is it safe to leave your car here?, he asked, kind of incredulous?

“No, is it safe to walk around this neighborhood at night,”  (it being under the freeway in a dark and lonely looking area and me living in the 2^nd most dangerous city in CA).

“This is San Rafael!  Of course it’s safe,”  now he really was incredulous.  He carefully perused my id and paper work.  “Do you know that your proof of insurance has expired?”  He held the paper close to my face and directed the megawatt beam of his flash light at the date--11/01/10. 

“Oh, no!  I think I can explain.  I do all of my Geico business on-line.  They e-mail me when payments are due and when to download new paperwork.  And for some strange reason, those e-mails frequently go to my yahoo spam.  I guess I haven’t checked that in awhile,”  my voiced trailed off, totally lame. 

I looked at the baby faced cops blank stare, “Oh, never mind.  I’m guilty.  Just hand cuff me!”  I held out my wrists defeated.  At least I might get a crust of bread and a cup of tea in the clinker. 

He tried not to laugh, “I’ve just got to run a check on this paper work,” and he and his partner swaggered back to their car.  While they ran their scan, I reviewed the situation--moving violation, blatant disregard of law about talking on cellphone w/o hands free devise, insurance paperwork expiration.  Were these chinks in my normal facade that would lead to an ultimate unraveling?

Suddenly their lights began flashing and the siren was on.  What now!  Did they come across my old FBI record?  The driver cop was sprinting towards my car.  He came right up to the window and literally threw my id in.  “We’ve got an emergency.  Gotta run.  Drive carefully, you hear!”  And they were gone in a haze of burning rubber and blazing lights.

The night fell silent.  I walked under the freeway and down the dark block looking for the restaurant, not a soul around.  It would have taken a detective to find the barely marked Royal Thai from a moving car.  I pulled open the door and re-entered the Known World to the steamy scent of hot chili and lime leaves and my friends at a table just inside the door.  

So, if you're out tonight,
Don't forget, if you're on your bike wear white...Amen.

 To Judy:

Wolky Sandal
ink/water

From Judy:

"To Windy To Fly"